


Thinking In Circles

by girlskylark



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Anxiety, Aromantic, Aromantic Killua Zoldyck, Asexual Character, Asexual Killua Zoldyck, Asexuality, Awkward Kissing, Camping, Dom/sub mentions, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, Fuckboy Gon Freecs, Gentle Kissing, Killua is Bad at Feelings, Kissing, M/M, Minor Dom Kurapika, Road Trips, Summer, Summer Vacation, pride month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 00:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19073710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlskylark/pseuds/girlskylark
Summary: After signing a lease together, Gon takes Killua out to celebrate and their innocent night turns into a kiss on the front lawn of a frat house. As a flaming asexual, Killua is mortified and pitched into a downward spiral. To top it off, they're both bound for a two-day road trip to their shared internship in the middle-of-nowhere Utah.Stuck together and on the cusp of an existential crisis, Killua has to decide just how, exactly, to broach the nature of their relationship.





	Thinking In Circles

**I** t didn’t _start_ weird—he wanted to preface with that. On his own accidental accord, however, everything became _weird_. It wasn’t _his_ fault, though, that things became weird in the first place. Had it not been for Gon’s actions, Killua would not currently be sitting in his empty dorm in panic mode. 

It was the end of the school year which meant loading and unloading his sister’s car with his bullshit. Likewise, she was the first to find him among the sealed boxes, blissfully unaware of the bullshit he was about to unpack. 

He heard Alluka’s footsteps far down the hall before he ever saw her face peeking out from around the corner, brown curls swinging as she said, “Hey, you ready to—” She came to a halt at the sight of Killua with his hands smushing his cheeks, white bedhead in a disarray. “You… good over there?”

“I’m not good,” he said. He gestured for her to join him, patting a hand on the seat as he said, “Close the door because _boy_ , I’ve got to catch you up on the steaming pile of shit that is my life.”

“How freshly plopped is this shit we’re talking about?” she asked, teetering on the threshold. “Is it, like, the bike getting stolen or test scores?”

“It’s not even on that spectrum,” he said, thrusting his hands out only to slap them back on his cheeks with a groan. “Close the door!”

“My car is parked illegally, buddy, this better be quick,” she said. With a swing of her leg, she kicked the door shut so that it rattled in the frame as she dropped down in front of him. She perched her hands on her crossed ankles after pushing her round sunglasses up and watching with wide, attentive eyes. 

Killua closed his eyes, hands poised in front of his mouth as if he was praying. He reached out blindly to grasp Alluka by the hands. Alluka aided in the search, trying to hold onto him as he slapped around. “Right here, buddy, I’m right here. What is it? What’ve you got to tell me?”

“It’s—It’s the single most Average Human Dilemma I’ve ever experienced,” Killua whispered.

Breathless, Alluka whispered, “In what way? Are you telling me—”

“I’ve experienced…”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve experienced sitcom drama. My life has become a television show, and I am here with front row tickets for you to experience this alongside me,” he declared, caressing her face with both his hand and hers. 

“You’re kidding,” Alluka said. Killua opened his eyes, deadly serious. “You aren’t kidding. Don’t tell me you went on a date.”

Killua shook his head, dropping her hand. Alluka let out a breath of relief. “God, for a second there I thought the world ended. Milluki _did_ always say that the day you score a date is the day the apocalypse starts.”

“You’re in for a fucking treat, then,” Killua said. “You remember how I signed the lease last week?”

 

* * *

 

Exactly one week ago, in a toxic pre-final haze, Killua Zoldyck, first of his name, signed on the dotted line of a twelve-month commitment. It was, debatably, the most commitment he had promised upfront and personal—school didn’t really count and thanks to his family, he didn’t have loans to account for. So, suffice to say a twelve-month lease was as close to marriage as Killua would ever get and he was in it with the second name signed on the page.

Gon Freecss. 

Killua’s friendship with Gon started out unexpectedly and persevered despite the circumstances. They didn’t have any classes together—they were in two completely different majors, two completely different dorms, and two completely different lifestyles. Killua’s astrophysics homework wasn’t going to finish itself while Gon was out bumping to EDM at a house party. Truthfully, their opposite tracks were refreshing to one another. If Killua needed a night to let loose, he wound up calling Gon up and showing up on the steps of an address he wasn’t familiar with. Likewise, if Gon needed a night to cram for an exam, he’d come knocking on Killua’s door at some ungodly hour of the night because he _knew_ Killua had a cursed sleep schedule.

Where their lifestyles _did_ overlap, however, was only for a month. They were each recruited onto the Yorknew rowing team. Summer conditioning was grueling, fun, but it ultimately wasn’t what Killua wanted to do with his life. He wanted to focus on his grades once classes started up, so he gave up rowing around the same time Gon quit in favor of harnessing that University Life.

The frequency of their calls and their shared best friends spot on Snapchat, however, clued Killua in: They were still friends, even after rowing was said and done. _Good_ friends, even. So when Gon slumped in his chair with a dramatic groan, saying, “I _hate_ apartment hunting…” Killua didn’t even look up from his textbook as he said, “I’ve already found one, but I don’t have anyone to sign the lease with.” 

Gon tipped his head to the side against the chair backrest. Killua eyed him sharply as Gon asked, “How many people?”

“It’s a two bedroom.”

Gon turned his eyes back to the ceiling, lips pursed. He looked like an absolute _wreck_ after cruising on a hangover all through his morning classes. Now, he just looked like a trash bag plucked off the side of the road in a dense, flannel coverup fit for Killua’s grandfather’s wardrobe. 

Gon scratched at his spiky, unwashed hair and said, “So you’re… in the market for a roommate?”

“That’s one way to put it, yeah,” Killua said.

“What about Zushi Roll?”

Zushi was an obvious choice, and one Killua wished he would have snagged sooner. Zushi was clean-cut, responsible, and in his same major. They suffered through aerospace calculus homework so frequently that Killua’s futon cushion still had an indent in the shape of Zushi’s ass. 

“He got into the RA program,” Killua said with a shrug. “Didn’t want to pay rent. I don’t blame him. There’s also the matter of… not being around this summer…”

That complicated the start date of the lease. Like Gon, Killua wouldn’t be able to move in until the very end of the summer. Even though they didn’t have the same classes, the same organization reps came to their lectures to “steal a moment of their time to discuss our Lord and savior Jesus Christ,” but instead of Jesus Christ, they were selling internship opportunities for the summer months. 

One that… both Killua and Gon happened to sign up for.

“Kurapika?”

Kurapika was a childhood friend of Killua’s. They attended a different university within punting proximity to Yorknew University where Killua attended. Killua could frisbee a dining hall plate across the street and crack into Kurapika’s lecture hall if he wanted.

“They’re moving into Epsilon,” he said. Kurapika joined a business fraternity early on in fall semester. Once again, another obvious choice leaving Killua in the dust. But Kurapika was a dicey choice to begin with. Kurapika didn’t tend to bring work-related things to their living space, but Killua wouldn’t be able to stop himself from thinking about it if they lived in the same apartment.

“Me?” Gon asked.

Killua looked up with a raised eyebrow. Gon raised an eyebrow back, and if he didn’t look like ass at that moment, Killua would have thought the action was borderline cute. 

He scoffed and said, “You’d want to room with _me?_ ” Gon was a social butterfly, which meant that Killua could _not_ have been his first choice.

_Right?_

So of course Killua agreed. 

And now, both of their names were signed in permanent ink on a twelve-month lease. It was as close to marriage as Killua would ever get, and after that initial epoch of anxiety, Killua was over it. He was over it. Everything was perfectly fine.

“We should celebrate,” Gon declared outside of the leasing office, eyes bright and excited. They were on the sidewalk when Gon signaled Killua’s doom. 

If only he knew what “celebrating” entailed.

 

* * *

 

As they loaded in the last box to Alluka’s car, Alluka perched her hands on her hips and stared at Killua like he was out of his mind. “You’ve _been_ to frat parties before. Why was this any different?”

“I’ll tell you why,” Killua said. He marched around the side of the car and opened up the passenger’s seat. Alluka claimed the driver’s wheel and, after slamming the door and shutting out the rest of the world, Killua leant an arm against the console and said, “It was _different_ because _Gon was different_.”

Alluka blinked dully at him. “I don’t get it.”

Killua threw his arms up and cried, “Neither do I! You hear the word ‘celebrate’ and you think, ‘Oh, we’re getting shit-faced blasted.’ Like, ‘To celebrate, we’re going to _regret celebrating_ ,’ so _obviously_ I took him up on the offer.”

“So you two didn’t get drunk?”

“No, we got drunk—”

“Then what’s the big idea!” Alluka screamed, throwing her hands up and accidentally smacking the sunroof. She crumpled with a curse, whining, “ _Fuck_ , that hurt!”

“Shit, are you okay—?”

“I’ll _be okay_ when you get to the damn _point_ , Kil! Christ!” she cried, shaking her bruised fist at him.

“I was just another brick in the wall before that night,” Killua started, staring vacantly through the windshield. Before Alluka could start cussing him out again, he shook his head and said, “We were just chilling on the lawn couch talking about dandelions and the next thing you know he lays one on me.”

“Lays _what_ on you? A dandelion or The Moves?”

“He fucking _kissed me_ , Alluka!” Killua hissed and Alluka immediately screamed. She gasped aloud and shrieked again, waving her hands madly in front of her like the idea was about as unsightly as the nonexistent wasp she was swatting about. 

Killua put his head in his hands. His distressed groan turned into a blood curdling scream within the seconds it took for Alluka to get a grip. She shook him by the shoulders and cried, “Oh my _God_ —He did _not—_ ”

“He _did_ ,” Killua moaned. He felt the heat in his face like he had every day that week through finals. He couldn’t get the image out of his head and he couldn’t bring himself to talk to Gon about it. Gon was the _last_ person he wanted to talk to about it, anyway. 

“Oh my God, what did you _do?_ ”

He pushed his bangs back and slumped back in his seat. He could see Alluka staring at him as he swallowed hard and said, “I just… sat there. I was about as unresponsive as a one of those fake dummies on life support in hospital dramas where the doctors go, ‘ _CLEAR!_ ’ and they zap ‘em in the chest.”

“That’s so awkward, holy shit,” Alluka moaned, a hand over her mouth. “Of all of the people. Killua…”

“I didn’t come into this world equipped to deal with this bullshit,” he said, a hand to his forehead. 

“Have you talked to him? You had to of—isn’t he picking up Kurapika’s truck for your trip?” she said. 

Killua groaned some more for good measure, as if he wasn’t already _dreading it_. Kurapika didn’t need their vehicle over the summer so Killua and Gon were snatching it for the months they would spend at their shared summer internship. They’d pack the bed of the truck full of camping gear and chill out in the desert for the two nights it would take to drive to Arches National Park. 

So not only did Killua have to look forward to a twelve-month lease with Gon, but he’d also have to look forward to two secluded nights with Gon. 

In the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.

“We’ve texted _maybe_ two times. _Maybe_ ,” Killua confessed. “I haven’t seen him since the party. I ducked out of there as soon as it was socially acceptable. Why did he _kiss me?_ ”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just, like, on your cheek?”

“It was full-frontal.”

“I don’t think that means what you think it means.”

“It was lips-on-lips, smack-smack. Like, his hand—all up in my hair. I didn’t even know he was _gay?_ ”

“People can be bi, you know. He could be a blossoming bisexual and you were just too ace to see it coming.”

“ _Clearly_ because I’m still in shock,” he said. “How would I even broach the subject? Do I bring it up or just accept the fact that we’re completely forgetting it ever happened?” Internally, though, he felt like erasing the kiss from his mind was about as impossible as forgetting the time in daycare at the ripe, young age of five when he all but roundhouse-kicked a kid’s glasses into the fifth dimension upon his parkour-esque decent from the playground slide.

Some things, he just couldn’t forget.

“You’ll survive, I promise,” Alluka said. She started up the car with a sigh and said, “Well, it sounds like you had an eventful week.”

“Understatement of the century,” he groaned.

 

 

 

> 22:45 **GON:** Girl gimme yo addy  😜 I swoop at 6AM 
> 
> 22:50 **KILLUA:** I’m kind of surprised that Pika even gave you their truck
> 
> 22:50 **GON:** That makes two of us 
> 
> 22:51 **GON:** I have strict instructions NOT to, and I quote, “Fuck shit up in this here vehicle.”
> 
> 22:53 **KILLUA:** You’re lucky my brain is the opposite of dirty
> 
> 22:53 **GON:** 😚
> 
> 22:53 **GON:** Dat address tho
> 
> 22:54 **KILLUA:** O fuck right
> 
> 22:54 **KILLUA:** You distracted me you heathen. It’s 420 69th St
> 
> 22:55 **GON:** I swear to God we’ll never leave Yorknew if you don’t quit fucking with me
> 
> 22:56 **KILLUA:** I’m not fucking with you
> 
> 22:56 **KILLUA:** Google Maps it if ya don’t believe me smh
> 
> 22:58 **GON:** 🤭 Holy shit you weren’t kidding
> 
> 22:59 **GON:** Also sick gig, bro
> 
> 23:00 **KILLUA:** Thanks I hate it
> 
> 23:00 **KILLUA:** It’s the single most unfortunate street title for my ace ass to grow up with
> 
> 23:01 **GON:** RIP your ass, dude. At least you’ve got weed to cope with it.
> 
> 23:01 **KILLUA:** 🌱🌿☘️🍁

 

 

 

> 22:51 **KILLUA:** Gon just alluded to fucking in the truck 
> 
> 22:51 **ALLUKA:** I’m sorry but that sounds SO hick to me
> 
> 22:51 **KILLUA:** I don’t know what to do  😢
> 
> 22:51 **KILLUA:** Alluka save me  😫 How do I respond???
> 
> 22:52 **ALLUKA:** OKAY okay make a subtle allusion to the fact that you’re ace
> 
> 22:52 **ALLUKA:** Like, maybe that’s just never processed to him before
> 
> 22:52 **KILLUA:** We’ve literally made jokes about it before tho  😫 I don’t know why he’d forget
> 
> 22:53 **KILLUA:** Fuck I haven’t responded yet he’s gonna think something’s OFF I’ll touch base soon
> 
> 22:53 **ALLUKA:** You better smh
> 
> 23:02 **KILLUA:** He just said ‘RIP your ass’ WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS
> 
> 23:02 **ALLUKA:** You HAVE mentioned before that he is an overtly sexual man
> 
> 23:03 **KILLUA:** I have haven’t I
> 
> 23:03 **ALLUKA:** Also what are you doing texting me?? I’m literally a door away from you??
> 
> 23:04 **KILLUA:** Force of habit  🤗

 

 

At the asscrack of dawn, Killua was on his feet and perched at the living room windowsill in search of Kurapika’s truck. He chewed on his nails all the while, which had become nonexistent during finals week. His dorm shit was still packed and stacked in his old bedroom adjacent to Alluka’s room door. The house was quiet all except for Killua’s rapidly beating heart where it throbbed in his throat and refused to relent. 

When the truck came into view, Killua’s heart might as well have turned to sauce because he choked on it and coughed into his elbow. Gagging, he took a few hurried sips from his water bottle and fanned himself frantically all while repeating the mantra in his head, _You can do this. You can do this_.

He slapped both hands to his cheeks with yet another groan of distress. Had he started a tally of every time he vocalized panic, the marks would be off the wall at this point. If he tallied every time he wondered to himself, _Why did Gon do that?_ he’d lose his mind. It was precisely for this reason that he refused to keep count or keep track and let his mind spiral in loops.

He gathered his bags the instant his phone buzzed in his pocket—Gon telling Killua that he was outside, as if Killua wasn’t already staking out the driveway. He was out the door before Gon had the chance to get out of the truck to ring the doorbell. 

Killua leapt down the stoop, swinging a massive duffle over one shoulder and the handle of a tote bag in his other hand. His backpack was stuffed to the brink with supplies to the point where, if the wind blew too hard, Killua would be knocked off balance. 

He went to the back of the truck as Gon opened the driver’s door and lunged out. The truck itself was high up and had handy, secondary steps just below the doors, but Gon was swifter than the automatic whirr of the step being pushed out. 

“You don’t have to get out—” Killua started, but Gon was already opening the back hatch. 

“Too bad, mister,” Gon said. He rolled back the truck bed cover, revealing the two kayaks they asked their old coach to spare. They fit perfectly in the truck bed, but it left minimal room for the rest of their things.

Gon cleared his throat. “So I figured you’d want to get going ASAP so I already picked up coffee and—Have you eaten yet? I got cinnamon rolls, donuts, the whole breakfast bandwagon.”

Killua blinked dumbly, the duffle slipping from his shoulder. Gon brought his eyes up to meet Killua’s from where they had been off here, over there, everywhere. Gon rose his eyebrows at Killua, who blinked once again and said, “You… didn’t have to do that.”

“But I wanted to,” he said.

The duffle plummeted from Killua’s shoulder. Gon jumped and reached the grab it, but in the process, their heads smacked together. Gon gasped and cried, “Shit, are you okay?” as he reached for Killua’s head.

Killua slapped his hands away and said, “I’m fine—Don’t touch me.”

The look on Gon’s face said it all. Of-fucking-course Killua’s go-to response would be to be an even bigger bitch than he was before the kiss. It didn’t change the fact that he really _didn’t_ want to be touched. His skin felt like bugs were crawling all around just beneath the surface of his goosebumps just thinking about Gon’s hands on his face again. It was as unpleasant as it was… well… 

He wasn’t sure _what_ it was, but he knew that the shock had yet to fade from his system.

He swallowed hard as he picked up the duffle and pushed it onto the truck bed. “I’m just—I haven’t been in a touchy-feely mood lately. Don’t… take it personally.”

“Oh. Okay,” he said. 

Killua let out a breath of relief as he finished loading his shit up. He shoved the hatch up as if to say, “ _There. Take that, anxiety._ ”

“Do you… want to talk about it?” Gon asked. “ _About the kiss_ ” went unspoken, and knowing that it was still there, lingering about on Gon’s mind, had Killua’s skin crawling all the more. 

“No. Let’s just get going,” he said, and as soon as he said it, he became abundantly aware of how much of him _wanted_ to talk about it. 

He scratched irritably at his hair like he was two seconds away from pulling it out. At the passenger door, Killua took a deep breath and hopped inside. 

When the driver door opened, Killua ignored the very obvious fact that Gon was staring at him. Instead, he plopped his tote bag between his legs and rifled through for a book—a very brilliant suggestion on Alluka’s part. He wouldn’t have to talk to Gon if he was reading. 

However, it made for a very tense silence. The radio couldn’t drown it out. Killua chewed on his lip as he read paragraph after paragraph without processing any of it. To top it all off, being in a car with _just_ Gon was _weird as fuck_. They spent all of their freshmen year being lugged around by Kurapika—a freshmen with their own vehicle on campus—and junior Knuckle Bine—a close friend of Gon’s from the rowing team. It never really processed that Gon could drive until they were discussing the driving schedule several weeks prior. 

Killua slid his eyes to the side, to where Gon’s hands gripped the steering wheel. Gon glanced over his shoulder as he merged onto the freeway, and Killua took that moment to spare a glance at Gon’s face. His brow was tense, but other than that, Killua never would have thought anything was wrong. 

As they picked up speed heading westward, Gon rolled up the windows and closed the sunroof. They were sucked into a quiet bubble where the radio felt too loud and the air too thick. 

Killua snapped his book shut and turned down the radio. 

“Okay. We need to talk about it,” he said. 

“We don’t have to…” Gon started, weakly. The conversation felt like a sliver embedded in Killua’s palm—they had to rip it out if they wanted to avoid infection.

“I have a lot I could say,” he said, slowly. He took a deep breath and looked at Gon, who hesitated to take his eyes off of the road. Perhaps that was what gave Killua his confidence. Gon’s ability to stare someone straight in the eye during an entire conversation was both unnerving and admirable. Killua had found himself distracted by it as much as any sweet girl Gon chatted up at a frat party. 

He wasn’t about to let Gon put him in a fucking trance. 

“But,” he continued, “you’ve clearly thought about it. I want to hear what you have to say.”

Gon didn’t even hesitate. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have crossed that line.” When he spared a second to glance at Killua, Killua couldn’t control whatever his expression looked like. What he could control, though, happened to be an entire string of curses that blistered in his chest. 

He thought it was what he wanted to hear. Gon probably thought he wanted to hear that, too. As it turned out, though, it just made Killua feel worse. Gon’s regret spread acid through Killua’s chest as he swallowed hard and turned away with a nod. 

Gon glanced back at the road before looking back and saying, “What was that look?”

“Nothing,” Killua huffed.

“No, tell me. What were you going to say?”

“That I’ll kick your ass if you do that again,” he seethed because if he didn’t put some level of venom in it, the acid in his chest would continue to bubble up and spill over into tears. 

Gon laughed, to Killua’s surprise. Killua’s eyes widened and he looked over at where Gon brushed a hand across his cheek and shook his head, smiling again. He grinned at Killua as he said, “Phew, okay, I was so fucking worried, dude. You have no idea. I wanted to apologize in person but with finals we just never met up.”

“Oh.”

“So are we good?” he asked. He put a fist out for Killua to bump, and Killua just stared at it for a long-ass moment before he met Gon’s eyes and realized that he was completely leaving Gon hanging.

He raised a fist up and tapped his knuckles to Gon’s. “Yeah, we’re good,” he said. Inside, he died a little.

 

 

 

> 07:12 **_Killy Bean_** 👀🔪 _is typing…_
> 
> 07:12 **KILLUA:** Thanks for lending us your truck dude it’s really nice
> 
> 07:15 **_Pika Pika Bitch_** _is typing…_
> 
> 07:15 **KURAPIKA:** Thanks for holding onto it for me
> 
> 07:15 **KURAPIKA:** The cops will never find it now
> 
> 07:16 **KILLUA:** I really don’t understand this running joke
> 
> 07:17 **KURAPIKA:** It’s for the best, Clyde.
> 
> 07:17 **KILLUA:** Why am I Clyde?
> 
> 07:17 **KURAPIKA:** ‘Cause Gon’s clearly the bitch in this relationship
> 
> 07:18 **KILLUA:** I need whatever you’re smoking lmao 
> 
> 07:18 **KILLUA:** I feel more like the bitch in this relationship rn
> 
> 07:19 **KURAPIKA:** Come, sit upon my chaise lounge and tell me your troubles.
> 
> 07:19 **KILLUA:** I don’t even know how to word it anymore
> 
> 07:19 **KILLUA:** I told Alluka all about it but I think the situation’s changed
> 
> 07:20 **KURAPIKA:** You’ll have to be more specific, hun
> 
> 07:20 **KURAPIKA:** Also I have a client meeting in ten minutes so make it snappy.
> 
> 07:20 **KILLUA:** This early??
> 
> 07:20 **KILLUA:** Who’s getting lit at 7:30 in the morning??
> 
> 07:21 **KURAPIKA:** Some of us are morning people, my dear Killua
> 
> 07:21 **KURAPIKA:** It’s a good start to the day
> 
> 07:21 **KURAPIKA:** Well, for some people. For you not so much I imagine
> 
> 07:22 **KILLUA:** Not everything is sexual  😜😘

 

 

Killua snickered to himself as Kurapika’s cute sprite appeared with a thought bubble. Kurapika’s work life fascinated him as much as it repulsed him. It was the sort of scenario that Killua couldn’t stop thinking about once he remembered that it existed. 

“What are you snickering about?” Gon asked.

“Kurapika has a client,” he said, giggling a little. 

“What’s so funny about that?” he asked. 

_Oh shit_ , he thought, gasping. Unlike him, Kurapika’s job title would be news to Gon. Kurapika had been doing similar, tamer shit since high school—when they were _just_ old enough to not make it all ghastly illegal. Before that, it was all just Kurapika’s skeptical nature and philosophical ponderings that went along the lines of, “ _If people are able to pay for something you give no value to, then what’s the harm?_ ”

Given Killua’s nature, he thought about it a lot, as well. But kissing Gon just confirmed it all. He gave value to shit like that.

“Wait—what has Kurapika told you?” he asked, turning to face Gon.

Gon shrugged and said, “Something related to psychiatry, I think? Oh, right, they said they’re a secretary at an examiner’s office.”

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Killua laughed. Telling Gon wouldn’t bring any harm, he figured, so he said, “Kurapika’s a dominatrix.”

“Ha! Right, yeah,” Gon laughed, but when he glanced at Killua, Killua’s shit-eating grin said it all. “Shut up. _Shut up!_ ”

“In high school they made, like, a grand a month off of phone sex work,” Killua said. “Their entire schooling’s paid for on this shit.”

“I mean, good on them, but do they, you know… Like it?” Gon asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow. He rolled his eyes then and added, “I mean, it’s cool an all, but I don’t think it’d be worth it if you hated it the entire time.”

“On some level I think they do,” Killua decided, and it was promptly followed by a grimace. 

He distinctly remembered the one occasion in which Killua crossed hairs with Kurapika’s line of work. He had gone over to their apartment at the end of the previous summer. Kurapika had been building a portfolio of online material all through the summer after their senior year of high school, and Killua thought it’d just stop there. He knew webcam sex work paid well and didn’t expect to open the apartment door and come face to face with a guy the size of Georgia wearing a leather collar and buckled mask. 

As it turned out, Kurapika didn’t need Killua’s help moving out and to top it off, they were getting paid to play warden with the moving guy.

Killua explained this all to Gon in vivid detail.

“You know how the business college is—everyone’s got that personality type that makes them team leader. Kurapika’s got, like, a god complex or something. I think they _like_ bossing people around.”

“Yeah, I can see it. I just won’t be able to look at them the same way again…”

“It’s not all _sexual_ , Gon.”

“Regardless! I’ll look them in the eyes when I return the truck keys and be both terrified, turned on, and impressed.”

“Ew, don't tell me you’d be into Kurapika.”

“In a heartbeat.”

“ _Gross_ , ew, that’s like—That’s like you telling me you’d bang one of my siblings. You _do_ realize I grew up with them?”

“Yeah, which begs the question: Shouldn’t you have, like, played Mom and told ‘em it wasn’t a good idea?”

“I’d be lying if I did that,” Killua said, rolling his eyes. “It’s brilliant when you think about it. Make five grand a month tying knots, snapping whips. If I wasn’t so repulsed I’d be doing that on the side.” He raised an invisible whip and snapped it at the windshield, with the sound effects and all.

“Five _grand_?!” Gon screamed. 

“You’re _really_ surprised that people pay that much? Really?” Killua said.

“Holy shit,” Gon moaned, a hand over his cheek. 

“So yeah, Kurapika’s got a client right about… now, I’d say,” he said, checking the time on his phone. Gon remained quiet. “Are you reassessing every time Kurapika bossed you around?”

“They’ve bossed me around so many times, dude,” Gon moaned again, slumping back in his seat. He straightened up with a little wiggle and said, “Okay, I gotta stop thinking about it. Tell me something else I don’t know.”

“Originally I would have roomed with Kurapika, but I think they realized it before me that I would just lose my mind if I was exposed to that twenty-four seven. Hence the reason why they’re going to Epsilon and renting their own office for dom work.”

“This… is just making me think about it more.”

“Besides, half of the time Kurapika and I butt heads because we’re both stubborn assholes.” Killua thought back to a useless argument they had one night over who would pay for the takeout pizza. Killua had slapped Kurapika with the empty cardboard box, demanding that they accept his Venmo payment, and Kurapika had yelled at him, “ _Hit me again, bitch, I dare you! If you’re gonna out-dom me, you’ve got another thing coming_.”

Killua rambled on about the time Milluki had a crush on Kurapika and got his nuts kicked for it. Gon started laughing so hard they had to pull over and Gon left the wheel to scream in the middle of a truck stop parking lot. 

It was such a Gon-like reaction that Killua was forced to come to terms with the fact that he, Killua G. Zoldyck, was the awkward one. He was clinging onto the lawn couch incident like his life depended on it, and it made him feel miserable for being unable to laugh at Gon’s over-reaction.

Gon leant back into the truck, checked the time, and said, “Okay, so for lunch I’m thinking we just decide based on the exit signs. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good,” Killua said, a small smile on his lips as Gon declared that he had to piss. They waited for Gon to finish taking care of business before they started on the road again. Killua already knew what he was craving, so when they passed a sign for Jimmy Johns, he pointed it out and Gon went along with it. 

They stretched their legs in the Jimmy Johns parking lot before heading inside to order. Killua’s legs felt stiff from being in the truck for so many hours. On the vacant, flat stretches of land, they could fields for miles beyond. Killua studied the way the land merged into the sky like the haze on Lake Michigan until Gon tapped him on the shoulder with his wrapped-up sandwich. 

“Eat up,” Gon said. Killua snatched the sandwich from him with a scowl and tore through the wrapper. Gon gasped at him for it. “What’re you doing? There’s a sticker there for a _reason_.”

“I’ll do what I want,” Killua huffed, turning his back on Gon. Gon just stepped around to face him again, and they danced around in circles like that until Killua’s reflexes shot his foot out at Gon’s shin. Gon jumped out of the way with a curse and screamed when Killua came at him for an actual kick.

Killua whipped a piece of lettuce out of his sandwich and smacked it onto the back of Gon’s shirt. Gon yelped and scrambled to get it off, but it was hopelessly stuck with a thin layer of mayo. Eventually, Gon yelled uncle and Killua was forced to pluck the leaf off.

He snorted. “Oh, shit,” he said, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What is it?” Gon squeaked, unable to reach the spot with his hand. Try as he might, he was certainly not flexible enough.

Killua couldn’t stop laughing, and with his mouth full of food, he just felt like he was choking. He swore and swallowed down his food before saying, “ _Fuck_ , the mayo looks like cum on your back.”

“Get it off!” Gon shrieked. “You _heathen_ , I can’t believe you even get mayo on your sandwich— _shit!_ Okay, fuck it.”

Gon set his sandwich on the hood of the truck and grabbed his shirt by the hem. Killua’s eyes widened and he felt like he was going to combust if Gon actually _did that_. 

Killua wanted to turn away but he couldn’t. Heat swelled to his cheeks. In one swift motion, Gon had his shirt over his head and was flicking it off of one arm, bundling it up with his other hand. Gon pouted his lips as he searched for the stain and, once found, he gave the mayo an experimental lick. To top it off, Gon’s olive skin and taunt, lean muscles made the waist of his jeans hang _just so…_

Killua cursed himself for even looking longer than a second. He turned away and headed for the passenger door. He may have been ace, but he wasn’t oblivious. He really did appreciate Gon’s aesthetic appearance for what it was: drool worthy for any horny college kid. 

When Gon hopped back into the car, he chucked the t-shirt into the back seat and settled with no shirt at all. 

Gon took a bite of his sandwich as he slammed the door shut and turned the key in the ignition. Gon smiled cheekily at Killua, who was staring at him with a vague sense of horror on his face.

“P-Put a shirt on!” Killua squeaked.

Gon leant over and said, “ _Make me_.”

“Can you stop acting like a straight white dude for _one second—_ ” Killua huffed, reaching to the backseat in a fit of anger to fetch a new shirt for Gon. Grumbling, he yanked out a tank top and chucked it at Gon, who caught it before it could slap him in the face. 

They put their sights back on the long, straight road through Illinois’ flat fields. The sky was clear of all clouds, which left a flat, blue ceiling over their heads. Killua opened the sunroof and stretched a hadn’t up to catch the wind between his fingers. They turned up a podcast on the speakers to drown out the chaos inside Killua’s brain that told him that none of this was normal, that _they_ weren’t normal, that _he_ wasn’t normal for “overreacting” about the kiss.

Gon was Gon, though. Killua came to terms with Gon’s touchy-feely attitude. Gon’s idea of fixing an awkward situation was with a hug, and now Killua wasn’t sure he could handle even that much without combusting into a million pieces. Before, he had been fine with it. He was fine having Gon’s arm around his shoulder, fine with having Gon’s hand on his back to guide him. He was fine having Gon hold him by the wrist when they were in crowds so they wouldn’t disappear. Gon’s attentive touches had been gentle, light, platonic. 

He liked being platonic with Gon.

He paused the podcast.

“Do you believe in Bigfoot?” Killua asked. 

“Absolutely,” Gon said. 

Killua snorted and said, “ _Why?_ ”

Gon shrugged. “Because I don’t plan on finding him? I don’t know. I’m a firm believer in every possibility existing until you prove it doesn’t. Like ghosts.”

“Ghosts exist, though.”

“So you believe in ghosts but not Bigfoot? Have you seen either?” Gon asked.

Killua rolled his eyes. “No, but—”

“But nothing. If you believe in one, you believe in the other.”

“That’s crap and you know it. See, this is why _I’m_ a science major and _you’re_ … what the hell even are you? You’ve told me no less than a dozen times and I can never remember.”

“That’s because I give you a different answer every time,” Gon said. 

Killua turned to him, eyes wide. Gon was grinning against what remained of his sandwich. Killua’s jaw dropped a little before he bristled and shouted, “Are you serious?! God, no wonder I can’t remember! You’re such an asshole!”

Gon giggled and deflected Killua’s crinkled-up sandwich wrapper. It ricochetted off Gon’s arm and flew out the window. Killua cursed as Gon screamed, “ _LITTERER!”_

Gon slammed on the breaks. Killua lurched forward, laughing as Gon pulled them onto the shoulder. The car behind them blared their horn as they swerved around the pickup. Killua was woozy, giddy, and giggling as Gon jabbed a finger at him and yelled, “Pick it up!”

“Fuck no! I’ll get hit by a car!” 

“We’re not on the freeway anymore, heathen!”

Gon got out of the car and circled around the hood. Killua realized precisely what Gon was planning and unbuckled, scrambling over the center console as Gon reached for the passenger door and yanked it open. Killua’s heart leapt to his throat as Gon grappled for purchase on Killua’s sneakers. Killua kicked his foot out at Gon, back pressed to the driver’s seat. The door was wide open and an oncoming car sped around them, buffeting wind against Killua’s hair. 

Killua jumped out of the vehicle and took off running past the truck bed. As he went, Gon shouted after him, yelling, “Get back here!” 

“I’m getting the fucking _litter_ , dude!” Killua yelled. He could see the wrapper bouncing over the dotted line like tumbleweed. 

It was a miracle the road was as empty as it was as Killua jogged down the shoulder. He could hear Gon’s footsteps behind him, gaining speed, and it just caused Killua to pump his legs faster, harder, sneakers kicking up gravel pebbles on the shoulder of the road. Gon yelled behind him, “Not before I do it _first!_ ”

“You’re the one who—! Whatever,” Killua huffed, expression set and target sighted. 

He ran like he never did before. The sun beat down on the asphalt and simmered up against his sneakers as he cut into the road. He glanced both ways as he teetered on the yellow line, only to scream when Gon came cruising up beside him, overtaking him, and swiping up the wrapper. Before Killua could stop himself, he was lunging at Gon and swinging onto his back with a shout of triumph.

Gon teetered, spinning with one leg out. Killua’s feet touched the concrete again. Successfully off balance and stunned, Gon loosened his grip on the wrapper and allowed Killua a second to snatch it from his hands. 

“Gotchya,” Killua snickered. He backed over to the shoulder of the road, a skip in his step as Gon stared, wide-eyed, back at him. 

 

 

 

> 13:05 **_Thicc Roll_** _is typing…_
> 
> 13:06 **ZUSHI:** I hear Gon put the moves on you
> 
> 13:07 **_Killy Bean_** 👀🔪 _is typing…_
> 
> 13:13 **_Killy Bean_** 👀🔪 _is typing…_
> 
> 13:14 **KILLUA:** I’m going to slaughter Alluka when I get back
> 
> 13:14 **KILLUA:** Right after punting Gon’s ass into the Colorado River
> 
> 13:15 **ZUSHI:** I’d expect nothing less
> 
> 13:15 **ZUSHI:** Is the road trip awkward or do I owe Alluka five bucks
> 
> 13:16 **KILLUA:** I think the road trip is normal, I’m just awkward  🤦♂️
> 
> 13:16 **ZUSHI:** Well if all else fails, a knee to the nuts is crippling
> 
> 13:16 **ZUSHI:** Nail him in the balls, steal the keys, and book it otta there  🏃♂️
> 
> 13:16 **KILLUA:** At this point I don’t think Gon is the issue  😑
> 
> 13:17 **ZUSHI:** Still that’s so fucking painful dude
> 
> 13:17 **KILLUA:** Thanks
> 
> 13:17 **ZUSHI:** Yeah  🥳
> 
> 13:17 **KILLUA:** Here’s the thing tho
> 
> 13:18 **ZUSHI:** Tell me dude
> 
> 13:18 **ZUSHI:** Whisper it in my soft, sweet earlobe
> 
> 13:18 **KILLUA:** First off: This foot?  🦵 Up your  🍑
> 
> 13:18 **ZUSHI:** That’s not a foot that’s an entire LEG
> 
> 13:19 **KILLUA:** It’ll take an entire village to rip it out
> 
> 13:19 **ZUSHI:** 🤫😶
> 
> 13:19 **ZUSHI:** What’s the second part
> 
> 13:20 **KILLUA:** Secondly: I don’t think it’d work out with Gon
> 
> 13:20 **KILLUA:** I mean, it’d be selfish of me to handcuff him to me you know what I’m saying
> 
> 13:20 **ZUSHI:** Are you telling me
> 
> 13:21 **_Thicc Roll_** _is typing…_
> 
> 13:21 **ZUSHI:** Are YOU 👆 telling ME 🍣 that you’ve CONSIDERED 🤔 Gon Freecss 🤠 as BOYFRIEND MATERIAL 👨❤️👨 🗣😱?
> 
> 13:21 **KILLUA:** Thirdly: Your ass is now on my kicking hit list
> 
> 13:22 **KILLUA:** I mean DUH I’ve thought about it
> 
> 13:22 **ZUSHI:** 😱
> 
> 13:22 **KILLUA:** I just feel a little nauseous every time but maybe that’s normal?
> 
> 13:22 **ZUSHI:** Like, butterflies nauseous or hangover nauseous or something else entirely?
> 
> 13:22 **KILLUA:** Something else entirely
> 
> 13:23 **ZUSHI:** Explain.
> 
> 13:23 **KILLUA:** It think it’s, like… GUILT nausea
> 
> 13:23 **KILLUA:** Cuz Gon deserves someone who’s able to express romantic feelings for him, you know? Like, someone he could take out on dates and cuddle with
> 
> 13:24 **ZUSHI:** And that’s not you
> 
> 13:25 **KILLUA:** No not me
> 
> 13:25 **ZUSHI:** Shit dude I don’t know what to say
> 
> 13:25 **KILLUA:** Me neither
> 
> 13:26 **KILLUA:** But I’ve also determined that I don’t want us to just forget the kiss and go on like it never happened, ya know
> 
> 13:26 **ZUSHI:** Right yeah
> 
> 13:26 **ZUSHI:** Right yeah you can’t fit that elephant in the closet if you know what I’m saying.
> 
> 13:28 **KILLUA:** I know  😩
> 
> 13:28 **KILLUA:** We kinda just crammed that elephant into the closet and turned the lights off on it
> 
> 13:29 **ZUSHI:** That poor fucking elephant dude
> 
> 13:30 **KILLUA:** I know I can’t stop thinking about the elephant  😩
> 
> 13:30 **KILLUA:** But I don’t want to bring it up again ZUSHI TELL ME WHAT TO DO
> 
> 13:31 **ZUSHI:** Ok give me a sec to think.
> 
> 13:36 **_Thicc Roll_** _is typing…_
> 
> 13:36 **ZUSHI:** Would you want to kiss him again??
> 
> 13:37 **ZUSHI:** Actions speak louder than words but also consent is important
> 
> 13:40 **KILLUA:** I’ve never felt so aggressively conflicted before
> 
> 13:42 **KILLUA:** I straight up almost blocked you dude
> 
> 13:42 **ZUSHI:** Did you really :O
> 
> 13:43 **ZUSHI:** I mean, I am not oblivious I know that idea was radical as fuck
> 
> 13:44 **KILLUA:** That was a very radical idea
> 
> 13:47 **KILLUA:** I’ll… think about it

 

 

 

> 13:22 **_Killy Bean_** 👀🔪 _is typing…_
> 
> 13:23 **KILLUA:** Why did we decide that Gon is a  🤠 ?
> 
> 13:25 **KILLUA:** I really can’t say the word because it’s so cursed
> 
> 13:35 **ALLUKA:** You mean to say…
> 
> 13:35 **KILLUA:** Don’t you fucking say it 
> 
> 13:35 **ALLUKA:** A….
> 
> 13:36 **KILLUA:** DONT
> 
> 13:36 **ALLUKA:** COWBOY  🤠🤠🤠🤠 ?
> 
> 13:36 **KILLUA:** FUUUUCK
> 
> 13:37 **KILLUA:** Not a day goes by where I don’t ask the gods to shut you up for good.
> 
> 13:37 **ALLUKA:** What’re the gods to a cowboy  🤠
> 
> 13:38 **KILLUA:** What’s a cowboy to a clown  🤡
> 
> 13:38 **ALLUKA:**[A lover.](https://elvenling.tumblr.com/post/185303187888/loriinae-tiredness-lamington-loriinae)

 

 

 

> 13:39 **_Killy Bean_** 👀🔪 _is typing…_
> 
> 13:39 **KILLUA:** One of these days I’m going to fully eject Alluka into the sun
> 
> 13:45 **_Illuminati_** _is typing…_
> 
> 13:45 **ILLUMI:** Is this the will call or do I still have to reserve front row tickets

 

 

Their first night would be spent at a National Forest in Missouri. Killua had reservations for a KOA outside of Denver, which would make for a long haul the next day. After the wrapper incident, he and Gon swapped seats and Killua had Kurapika’s keys in his control now. He drove them into the camping grounds, feeling powerful with how high up he sat in that slick truck. He had his left foot tucked under his knee, his arms folded over the wheel as he waited for the attendant to confirm their reservation at the park.

The man handed him a numbered ticket—their camping spot for the night. “Have fun, you two,” the man said. 

“Thank you!” Gon said, waving eagerly as Killua flicked the numbered card at him and drove off through the open gate. 

Gon turned down the music a tad bit more so that they were left with open windows, the fresh breeze, and the sound of the tires crunching gravel underneath them. The kayaks in the back rattled when they went over potholes on their way around the campground. They curved around to the river and Killua pulled up onto the grass next to their lot. After a moment, he cut the engine and leant back with a sigh.

His eyes felt bleary from staring at the road for so long, but they made it and soon, his feet were on dry grass and the sound of the bubbling river calmed the taunt knots his sanity tied itself in. He stretched his arms up over his head and dropped them back down with a sigh. 

“So I’m thinking we set up after a quick jaunt on the river,” Gon said, rounding the hood of the car. His hands were on his narrow hips, but Killua was more focused on that goddamn word choice.

“You should like an old geezer,” Killua said. 

“What? ‘Quick jaunt’?” Gon said, head tipped to the side. 

“Pick a goddamn persona, dude: fuck boy or geezer, you can’t have both.”

“What if I want both?” he said. Killua scowled at him, and Gon’s pout turned into a bright grin. “In the words of an infamous man: I’ll do what I want.”

Killua blinked as Gon clapped him on the shoulder as he passed him and headed for the trunk. Killua stammered helplessly for a moment before squeaking under his breath, “ _I_ said that.”

After doing away with their shoes and socks, they locked up the truck and unloaded the kayaks. With the paddles flattened to the sides of the kayaks, they marched for the riverbed. The kayak was light over his head, casting shade over him and glowing yellow through the plastic. He looked up past the trees to where the setting sun colored the leaves orange and dappled through the branches. Gon marched ahead of him, swinging his legs with a bounce in his step as he chanted, “Hup, hup, hup,” like a toy soldier. Killua swung the front of his kayak to the side and smacked it against the rear end of Gon’s kayak. 

Gon staggered over the river rocks and swung back around. Killua jumped back to avoid the kayak’s the wide birth, snickering as Gon stuck his tongue out at him. Gon swung his kayak down to the side and plopped it in the water. The water sloshed up against the sides of it as Gon spun the paddle round and stuck it in the rocks. 

“That was a very Mortal Kombat character selection pose,” Killua commented.

“Thank you,” Gon said.

“Don’t get used to it,” Killua droned. 

“What would yours be?”

Killua stomped up to the water. Ankles-deep, he unloaded the kayak from his shoulders and dropped it into the water. The paddle gripped tightly in his fist, he swung it up and slammed his opposite hand on the inside of his elbow and said, “Up yours.”

Gon slapped his hands on his knees and wheezed. Killua kicked water at his face, drenching the front of Gon’s tank top. Gon sputtered and gasped, “That was exactly what I expected you to say. Amazing.”

Killua swatted his paddle, smiling as he said, “Just get in the damn kayak, smartass.”

As they set off downstream, Killua felt the chill of the water permeating through the plastic bottom of the kayak. He pressed his bare feet against it as the current swayed him calmly with the breeze. The river was quiet and still all except for the telltale signs of movement against the rocks that peaked out near the edges of the river. Killua reached a hand out to trail his fingers through the water as Gon’s green kayak cut through the water beside him. The water turned to rippling ribbons that trailed off of his kayak. 

Gon coasted up alongside his kayak. Killua brought his hand back and clasped onto the paddle, his heart stilling in his chest at the sight of Gon’s brown eyes turned golden in the setting sun. 

“The current’s not too bad,” Gon commented. “We could probably go half a mile down and kayak back upstream before it gets dark.”

“Y-Yeah,” Killua stammered. Something wretched pulled at his chest while Gon nodded and returned his attention ahead. As Gon pushed ahead, alternating between either flank with his paddle, Killua stopped to stare at the defined muscles in Gon’s exposed shoulder as he stretched a hand up to hook his fingers around the paddle handle before dragging the blade through the water. 

_Objectively good looking,_ he reminded himself.

“ _Would you want to kiss him again?_ ” 

Killua gagged a little and looked away, cheeks pink. The child in him wanted to start barraging Gon with a full-throttle water-attack. Maybe if Gon was _dead_ he wouldn’t make Killua feel like _this_. The thought of Gon liking him romantically added another knot to the vessels around Killua’s straining heart. If Killua kept up this train of thought that traveled along the fine, sharp hairline at the nape of Gon’s neck, he’d be dead in a matter of minutes and he was sure to take Gon with him.

Killua caught up with Gon, intent on focusing his energy to a round of competitive racing. The instant Killua’s kayak came whistling past, Gon laughed darkly and said, “Oh, you’re _on_!”

At the speed they were going, it didn’t take long to reach half a mile, so they kept going for another half mile before the river opened up to a wider stretch of tamer water. It was blue—so incredibly blue that Killua found himself mesmerized by it. The edges of the water turned teal in the light breaking through the canopy, and it lapped against a shallow ledge of pebbly sand. There were patches in the sand that gave way to footprints, as if people came here… to _swim_.

Truthfully, Killua didn’t exactly trust river water, but perhaps that had something to do with the copious amounts of pollution in city river water. 

Killua turned away from the beach to look at Gon. Gon seemed to have the same idea. 

“If you dock, I’ll dock,” Gon said. 

“Bet,” Killua said, his oar already ducking into the water. With the current pushing the back end of his kayak, he took a sharp turn and swept forward. The bow skidded into the dirt an instant later, and it the action was quickly followed up with Killua’s feet landing firmly in the water. He stripped down to his boxers and flicked his clothes onto the dry cockpit of the kayak. 

He didn’t think to be embarrassed until he was waist-deep and turned to find Gon staring at him, one foot out of his shorts and the other caught at the knee. Gon looked down quickly and jumped on one foot to regain balance. He chucked his shorts onto the beach along with his tank top and flew towards Killua with a look that said he was up to trouble.

“No, no, no—AH!” Killua screamed half a second before Gon barreled into him and sent them both under.

Killua’s back hit the chilled water. Liquid sucked his head under, pushing his hair forward over his face as his eyes closed and he caught air in his lungs. Gon rolled off of him as Killua’s ass hit the rocky bottom and he lunged up, gasping. Water dribbled down his matted-down bangs until he swept them back with a huff.

“I swear to God, if I get pink-eye…” Killua seethed under his breath.

“It’s fine, I’ll get it too, then,” Gon said.

“You’re such an idiot,” he huffed, only to laugh when he saw the look on Gon’s face. Gon’s usually fluffy hair was now slicked back. He looked like he used too much pomade for his own good. Without the fluff, though, Gon’s leading characteristic was now his massive goddamn ears. “You look ridiculous,” Killua laughed. 

“Aw, you don’t have to say it out loud,” Gon whined, rolling his eyes. He pushed back into deeper waters, and Killua watched him go. 

Goosebumps traveled up Killua’s arms and across his collarbone. He rubbed a hand against his chest as he stood and waded into deeper waters. The rocks beneath his feet were fuzzy with algae that tickled between his toes. He pushed off and bounded over to where Gon was reaching up to an overhanging tree branch.

Gon heaved himself up so that he could brace his feet up out of the water. Killua smacked his feet away. Off-balance, Gon plopped back into the water with a squeak. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re part of a movie?” Killua asked when Gon resurfaced, sputtering water.

Gon rubbed a hand down his face, shedding it of moisture. “I don’t know. I guess I kind of felt like we were in a movie during that practice meet against Kurapika’s university.”

Killua remembered that moment vividly. They had won by no more than 0.4 seconds, and amidst all of the screaming and chanting, Killua had been breathless from the adrenaline rush. Gon had reached over to tackle Killua from behind with a hug around the neck. They had both been sticky with sweat, but fuck it if they didn’t feel like prime candidates for a Oscar-winning cinematic experience about the oldest competitive university sport. 

Killua smiled, ducking his eyes down to his reflection in the water. “Yeah. Yeah, I felt that too. I don’t know. It just kind of feels like a movie right now, is what I’m trying to say.”

Gon stood up a little in the water. Killua heard it in the rippling water, and the droplets that peppered the surface when Gon shook his hair out like a wet dog. Killua laughed and swatted at him, saying, “You’re ruining it.”

Gon blinked at him and said, stammering for a moment, “I thought—Don’t you want me to ruin the moment?”

Killua stared at him. His hand was still held out, hovering over Gon’s chest. He could shove Gon right now and ruin it all over again. He could dunk Gon and they’d go back to play-fighting and pretending like the kiss never happened.

But Killua already decided that he didn’t want to forget it. Sure, it twisted his insides up into little knots, but it made his heart hum like the adrenaline in his veins during that winning race against Kurapika’s university. It gave him a high he couldn’t stand for all the good and the bad. 

“I made the moment,” Killua told him. If he didn’t bring up the movie moments, he never would have alluded to being the star of a romance film. Gon wouldn’t have felt the need to dispel the tension between them—for Killua’s sake. 

Killua retracted his hand and pointed to himself. “I’ll ruin my own moments.”

Gon shut his mouth and nodded wordlessly. Killua hesitated as his eyes drifted to Gon’s throat where he swallowed harshly before he met Gon’s wide-eyed, curious gaze. When Killua brought a hand up, hovering close to Gon’s cheek, Gon shifted. 

Killua was quick to put a hand to Gon’s chest to still them both. “Don’t. Don’t—move,” he said. 

He hated feeling like a fucking stray animal, but at the same time, it was empowering. He gave so much— _too much—_ value to proximity. He thought he grew numb to it just from the consistency of Gon’s platonic touches, but the kiss dispelled it all again. It made him giddy, it made him terrified, it made his heart flip and twist and knot itself up all over again. 

He couldn’t drown Gon in his affection because it would demolish them both. He had to ration it if he wanted to nurture whatever Gon started on the front lawn of that house party.

His breath came out shaky as he neared Gon. The heat from Gon’s chest shed warmth across Killua. He tried to breathe, but it was like someone had his lungs constricted in a white-knuckled fist. Gon’s wide eyes relaxed, eyelids fluttering as Killua’s fingertips brushed against Gon’s cheek. It was odd, feeling the soft skin of someone else’s face when Killua had only ever touched his own face. Gon’s skin was so smooth and _hot_ against Killua’s fingers. 

“Hey,” Gon said, barely above a whisper. Killua brought his eyes up from where he had been staring at Gon’s cheek up close and personal.

“H-Hi,” Killua breathed, ears on fire. 

Gon smiled, dimples and all, and said, “It’s okay.” 

_We don’t have to. Take your time. I’ll wait_. It was all there, and Killua wanted to both cry and slap Gon for saying it. He wanted to be able to just _do this one thing_ like they were in a movie or some shit, but that just wasn’t his pace.

Killua dropped his eyes to Gon’s lips. 

_What if Gon has cold sores?_ the panicked part of his brain started screaming. 

_I’ve known him since August and I’ve_ never _seen him with cold sores_ , he rationalized, staring intently at the corners of Gon’s lips. _There are none. It’s fine_.

_Makeup is a thing!_

_We were literally just in the water_.

Killua put his thumbs to Gon’s bottom lip and pulled it down, frowning. Gon smiled a little, and Killua felt the muscles in his cheeks move with the action. Killua pushed at the corner of Gon’s mouth and said, “Do you have any cuts in your mouth?”

“No.”

“Sores?”

“No. Well, I get canker sores sometimes but none right now.”

Killua frowned again and rose an eyebrow up at Gon’s bright eyes. “Do you… get fever sores?”

“No,” he said. “Do you?”

“What? No,” Killua huffed with a pout. “I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“Okay,” he said. 

Killua shut his eyes and groaned. “You know what I mean,” he said. 

Gon shook his head, and Killua’s hands gripped his jaw tighter. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

Killua ground his teeth together before leaning in. He hesitated an inch from Gon’s lips, eyes flitting up to meet Gon’s. Gon’s eyes were on his, lidded, and fluttering shut as Killua tipped his chin to the side so that his nose pressed to Gon’s cheek and his lips grazed Gon’s. He felt the moisture from Gon’s breath leaving him, collecting on Killua’s skin and reminding him that _this was real_. His mouth—the mouth he used to chew chunky oatmeal with—was _on_ Gon’s mouth.

He didn’t know where Gon’s mouth had been. 

Killua pulled away with a grimace after a solid three seconds of it being okay. He dropped his hands to his sides, fists clenched. He could feel himself shaking and he blamed it on the cold. He stared at Gon’s chest, unable to meet his eyes. 

“You good?” Gon asked.

Killua nodded silently.

“I’m serious, Killua—I can’t read your mind,” he insisted. 

Killua’s hands were itching. He wanted to wipe his mouth off because all he’d ever done with his mouth involved eating food, brushing his teeth, talking. He could feel Gon’s saliva turning cold on his lip. 

“Could we—” he started, voice cracking. He cleared his throat. “Could we maybe try another time?”

“Yeah, of course—”

“But you have to brush your teeth first,” Killua whispered, putting a hand over his eyes. 

Thankfully, Gon laughed. The tension in Killua’s shoulders subsided. “Yeah, definitely. I can absolutely do that. I’ll get Listerine. No germs will survive.”

Killua smiled despite himself. He huffed a little, ducking his head and tried to bite his smile back. He had his hands clasped together in front of him, and when he saw Gon reaching for them, he loosened his fingers. Gon hesitated just over Killua’s fingers before touching them lightly. 

When Killua didn’t retreat, Gon clasped his fingers over Killua’s palm and gave it a squeeze. 

Killua looked up with a scowl. Gon’s smile faltered. “What?” Gon said.

“You’re holding my hand.”

“Is… that okay?”

Killua held their hands up and gave it a firm shake and said, “[It’s](https://66.media.tumblr.com/df0374d6bd43fd8f91382047e706fc60/tumblr_ps8l5evgDH1u72h39_540.jpg) like that one solidaritymeme of the two beefy dudes looking like they’re about to arm wrestle.”

Gon’s jaw fell open, closed, and he shrieked when Killua marched off back to the kayaks as if that entire interaction didn’t happen. “You—! I can’t _believe_ you! Okay, that’s a lie, I just wasn’t expecting you to throw a meme into this! Killua!”

Killua giggled as he spun around and deflected Gon with a sweep of his arms, sending a spray of water up at Gon’s eyes. As Gon screamed about pink eye, Killua made his getaway to the beach. Neither of them bothered to put their clothes on again, so they took off back up the river current wearing nothing but their underwear and smiles on their faces. 

**Author's Note:**

> Three things:
> 
> 1) Try and convince me that Alluka isn't a Cowboy Ally and Killua isn't a Clown Ally. Just try.
> 
> 2) Dom!Kurapika is a mood and if I write a spinoff it's gonna be about how Kurapika's regular client Chrollo gave them the pickup truck.
> 
> 3) I wasn't gonna put anything here AND THEN I REMEMBERED. Should probably warn you all that I won't be posting as frequently. I got a freelance job that ends at the end of June. If you wanna chat, tho, I've got [a Discord server](https://discord.gg/e7EGU35) to meme out in. I don't post a lot on [Tumblr](http://girlskylark.tumblr.com) but I might as well drop that link, too.


End file.
